is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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