I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
