You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
