How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
