I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
