Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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