its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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