he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize