I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
