hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize