Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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