in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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