Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
