At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
