Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
