yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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