I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
