its not stalking. its research.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
