No subtext here. People are naked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
