Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
