Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
