The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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