Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize