In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He has the fingertips of a God
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