your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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