I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
