I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
