Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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