I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
