Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
