i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I deserve this hangover.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
