3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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