just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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