i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
