Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
