I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
