I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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