i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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