I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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