could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
