I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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