Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
