we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
