A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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