Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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