so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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