I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
