i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
