oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
