Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
