im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize