Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
