I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
