My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
