i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
