After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
