you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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