I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize