I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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