I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
