Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
