I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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