If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
