and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
