i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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