Can i not drive my cunt home
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
