I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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