I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize