New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
