I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
