I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
