I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
