I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
