You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
