That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
