drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
