I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
