problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
