Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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