i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
