I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have fence marks all over my body
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
