I'd wear matching sweaters with you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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