North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
where are my eyebrows?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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