Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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