Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize