Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
