is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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