What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
