am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
