She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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