That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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