So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
