does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
