hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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