Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
