You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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