took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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