If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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