The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize