I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I could fuck to npr.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
