You're completely useless in the revolution.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
