just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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