like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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