peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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