On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
