i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
