I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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