What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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