I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize