guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
