PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
