Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
