just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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